Circles of Connection Assessment

Self-reflection tool

Map the people in your life

At our core, we are relational. Who we become is shaped by the people we let close, the ones we keep at a distance, and the ones we have lost along the way. Yet most of us have never stepped back to look at our relational life as a whole. We feel lonely without knowing where the gap is, or stretched thin without seeing where our energy actually goes.

Circles of Connection lays it out on one page. You place the people in your life on five circles, from the most intimate at the center to acquaintances at the edge, mark which relationships give you energy and which cost you energy, and look at the center itself: your connection to yourself, and to Spirit, in whatever words are true for you. It is one of our four free Mentoring Assessments.

  • Free, and takes about 20 minutes
  • Your map on screen as soon as you finish
  • A PDF report with reflection questions for you and your mentor
  • Private: first names, nicknames or initials are fine
Start the assessment

How it works

1

List everyone
Family, friends now and from past seasons, teams and groups, work, helpers, online friends, and the people you have lost.
2

Place each person
In the circle where they live in your heart and life right now, not where you think they should be.
3

Mark quality and time
Who gives you energy, who costs it, and where your time and attention actually go.
4

Look at the center
Two separate parts: your connection to yourself, and to Spirit. Then your season of life, and up to three small intentions if you are ready.

The assessment opens on its own page and saves as you go, so you can stop and come back.

What the map looks like

Five circles and a center

There is no ideal map. Some people thrive with two or three deep relationships and little else; others come alive in a wide web of community. You place people by how much room they take up in your heart and life right now. A hard relationship can still sit close in: the symbol beside each name says whether it is nourishing, strained or unclear.

At the heart

The center: Self and Spirit

Two separate parts. Self is your connection to yourself, your body and your inner life. Spirit is your connection to God, Spirit, nature, the universe or whatever is sacred to you, named in your own words.

Circle 1

Intimate Core

The people who know you fully, and whom you would let see you at your worst. For a young child this is usually parents; for an adult, perhaps a partner, a sibling or a best friend.

Circle 2

Close Circle

People you trust and turn to, the ones you would call at 2 a.m. in a crisis, even if they don’t know everything about you.

Circle 3

Community

People you see regularly and share a place or purpose with: church, team, school, recovery group, colleagues, neighbors.

Circle 4

Acquaintances

Familiar faces you know by name but rarely go deep with.

Outside

The Edge

Just outside the circles: people you have lost touch with, would like to know better, or who have died but still feel present. Streamers, creators and AI chatbots go here as one-way.

Your results

What you get

Your map

Every name on its circle, with a symbol for nourishing, strained or unclear, dots for time and attention, and arrows for who you want closer or further away.

What it shows

A few plain observations: how full each circle is, how much is strained close in, whether your time matches your circles, and how much of it happens online.

Where to start

Not a score. One place to look first, and three or four questions to sit with, chosen from your answers.

Something to keep

A PDF report with your map, everything on screen, and the full set of reflection questions to take into your next conversation with a mentor.

Using it with a mentee

For mentors and counselors

The map itself is often less important than the conversation it opens. Complete it together in session, or have your mentee do it on their own time and walk through it together. As they place each name, listen for the stories behind the placement: the parent who used to be in the inner circle, the friend who quietly drifted out, the empty space where they wish someone were. At the end, your mentee can send you a copy of their report.

Expect tender ground

A sparse map can bring up shame or loneliness. A full map can bring up guilt about the people being neglected. Normalize both: “Your map makes sense given your life right now.”

Grief belongs on the map

People who have died, estranged family and former partners may still hold real weight. Invite your mentee to include them, at the edge or wherever they feel they belong.

Placement is not approval

A painful or harmful relationship can still sit close in because of its impact. The map describes closeness and influence, not whether the relationship is good.

Keep the center open

Some mentees will have a clear relationship with God, some a spiritual practice, some only a question. Use open language (God, Spirit, nature, your own inner voice) so no one feels excluded.

Honor different needs for connection

Resist the urge to treat a small map as a problem to fix. Ask whether it feels like enough, rather than whether it looks like enough.

Discovery first

As with the 12 Essential Aspects, this is a time for reflection, not immediate action. Encourage your mentee to place people where they are today. An honest map is more useful than a flattering one.

The other assessments

How it fits with the rest

If you take the other assessments with the same email address, your report lists what they found next to your map. See all four Mentoring Assessments →

12 Essential Aspects

This map goes deeper into the Friends and Family and Intimate Relationship aspects, and touches Spirituality at the center. If those were rated low, the map helps show why. Take it →

Core Values

Look at whether values like connection, family, love and trust are reflected in where your time actually goes. Take it →

North Star Vision

The Relationships part of a North Star becomes far more concrete once you can see the map you have now, and the map you want to grow into. Take it →

The Life Review

The map is a snapshot of the present; the Life Review, done with a mentor, shows how it came to be. Relationships that feel tender here often trace back there.

Questions about the assessment

No. There are no scores and no right answers. It is a map of your relationships as they are today, with a few observations about what your own answers show. The only verdict-like thing it gives is “where to start”, and that is a suggestion for the next conversation, not a grade.

Only you and the Noble Mentors team. First names, nicknames or initials are fine. Your map is saved only when you ask for your report, and it is never sold or shared. If you add a mentor’s or counselor’s email at the end, they get a copy of the report; nobody else does. Email contact@noblementors.com if you would like your answers deleted.

Not necessarily. There is no ideal map. Temperament, neurotype, culture, faith and personal history all shape what “enough” connection looks like. The assessment asks whether a circle feels like enough, not whether it looks like enough, and a small map that feels like enough is treated as healthy.

At the edge, or wherever they feel they belong. Grief belongs on the map. People who have died, estranged family and former partners can still hold real weight, and the assessment lets you say which kind of edge each person is.

The center has two separate parts: Self, and Spirit. Spirit can be God, nature, the universe, a sense of purpose, a practice, or a question you are still asking, and you name it in your own words. If it does not fit you, say so; that side of the center stays open, and nothing else changes.

Yes. Online and gaming friends can be real friends. The assessment asks which relationships are mostly online and how much of your time with friends happens online or in games, so you can see the mix. Streamers, creators and AI chatbots go at the edge as one-way relationships.

If you are 18 or older, take the full version. If you are 17 or younger, take the version with plainer questions: the same circles, written for you. If you are under 13, use a parent’s email address for the report. Younger children do this best on paper with their mentor, with three circles: my family, my friends, people I know.

About 20 minutes, depending on how many people you add. It saves as you go, so you can leave and come back. The questions near the end (your season of life and three intentions) are short, and the intentions are optional.

Every six to twelve months, or at the start of a new season of life. Use the same email address and your report will show who moved closer, who drifted out, and how each circle has changed. You can ask for a reminder in six months.

Circles of Connection is a Noble Mentors practice, used by our mentors with mentees. Mapping relationships in circles has a long history in research, from the “convoy” mapping psychologists use to study support across a lifetime to studies showing most people have a handful of very close relationships and many more at the edges.

If you are thinking about hurting yourself, call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline) any time, or call 911 in an emergency. If you are 17 or younger and someone is hurting you, you can call Colorado’s child abuse hotline any time at 1-844-264-5437 (1-844-CO-4-KIDS). You can also call or text us at 720-730-2424.

Schedule a free consultation call →

Want to talk it through?

A free 40-minute discovery call with Noble Mentors, for you or for your young person. No pressure, no obligation.

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