Mentoring and the Big 3

As a mentor, nearly every client we work with is challenged by one or more components of what we call the Big 3. The Big 3 is composed of anxiety, depression, and addiction. All three can be debilitating in that they erode a client’s ability to be the person they want to be and to live the life the want to live.

As mentors, we view the Big 3 as symptoms of a more fundamental issue, which is the inability to deal with the unhelpful thoughts and uncomfortable feelings that arise in each of our lives. The Big 3 interrupts a person’s ability to take action that aligns with their values, and this limits the quality of life.

So rather than focusing on how to address the anxiety, depression and addiction, we look for and work on the underlying patterns that are manifesting as the Big 3. There areas include:

Helping the client increase awareness and learn to observe the thoughts and feelings that arise, especially around activities that are important but not easy or comfortable.

Refocusing in helpful ways when our thoughts are unhelpful. For example, instead of giving attention to an unhelpful thought like, “this will never work,” we refocus on connecting with important actions in the present moment.

Increasing ones capacity for accepting the uncomfortable sensations and emotions that invariably arise when doing new or challenging things.

Clarifying the values and the goals that are important to the client so we can use these as the map and compass for making decisions.

The important thing to remember is that though anxiety, depression and addiction are all disruptive, their existence points to more fundamental challenges that need to be addressed. When a client develops the skills and tools to more effectively engage with their values and their goals, the Big 3 fade into the distance and a sense of confidence and purposefulness arises.